meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
