Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.