I want to have your abortion
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie