We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.