Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
