I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
