How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
