I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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