I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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