I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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