I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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