well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
