nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize