Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Randomize
