Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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