At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
