I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
