If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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