So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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