i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
