so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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