i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize