Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
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I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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