Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
