Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
