i just google imaged poop.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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