if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
