Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
