Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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