Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Two words: nipple clamps
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