he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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