then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
it hurts more in the daytime
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
