Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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