Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
