I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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