In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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