these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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