Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
