I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
