just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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