oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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