Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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