remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
