I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
