I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
