from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
