You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
