Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
