i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
