I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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