aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
