I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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