Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
