Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
