My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize