She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
