i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
