He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
