Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
