you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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