I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
