can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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