Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
