Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
